Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
