when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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