They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
