I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
