Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Four minutes until I can fart!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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