Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
