I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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