My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
