I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
