I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
