You can't motorboat a personality
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
