I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
