I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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