Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
