Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
