So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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