My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
