You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
