I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize