fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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