I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
