OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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