Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
