My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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