I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
