i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize