Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
