Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
