My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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