Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
