I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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