I could make wine with my vomit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
