Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
