I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
