Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
