No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You've changed since you got that strap on
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
