I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
