it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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