btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
