"it" just moved
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
