so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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