I just pynch a tree in the face
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
