Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
