We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize