My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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