Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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