We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
