her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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