did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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