Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
