she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize