My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
