I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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