I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
