Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize