I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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