I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
