You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
