Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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