I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
