she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
