i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
