Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
