haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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