Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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