she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
