If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
