it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
