oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
