thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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