You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize