Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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