ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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