So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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