the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
