grandma shit on top of the toilet
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
